


A Fragment of a Fragment of a Dream

by shinyeevee



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Heartbreak, Love, Post-Trespasser, Trespasser Spoilers, kind of, other stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5385992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinyeevee/pseuds/shinyeevee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every night has been different: sometimes it was a trip to the Hinterlands.  Other times it was in the rotunda.  But he always woke up in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 1

“I’m just saying that it’s ridiculous –” Solas stopped short, his mouth suddenly busy with a smothering kiss. His hands found themselves on Dala Lavellan’s waist, clinging to her vest as tightly as possible while their mouths were suddenly moving in sync with one another. In between breaths, Solas attempted to speak again – make his point, watch Dala roll her eyes in affection – but every time his mouth moved to say something Dala found her way back to it.

  
Her breath was hot, burning across his sharp jawline, he loved the sensation of it. Of _her_. Dala’s presence was so surreal that he felt like he was living in the Fade whenever she shared the same room with him. Which was, Solas pointed out to himself, quite often – their ribcages throbbed with a dull ache if they were apart too often, they were short of breath without each other.

  
And with each other, apparently.

  
“Can I just finish –”

  
“No,” Dala whispered against his mouth. She pulled back for just a moment, their eyelashes brushing against each other as her Fade-touched eyes leveled with his. They could have been the most magnificent blue if not for the Breach.

  
“I love you,” Solas whispered as she slid onto his lap. She cupped his face and kissed him again, this time more softly than before. _I love you, I love you_. He couldn’t stop repeating it in his head as he brushed the hair off her cheeks, pulling her as close and he could.

  
In that moment, he was absolutely, positively sure that he didn’t wake up for anything else but to see _her_. To experience _her_.

  
“I love you too,” Dala laughed breathlessly, her voice sweeter than any song Solas has heard before. She grabbed his hands and kissed every knuckle with her eyes closed. Her eyelids are a soft lilac. Solas felt like he betrayed himself, never noticing such a soft piece of her before.

  
They stayed like that, entangled with each other so recklessly that there might never again be a moment where they were pulled apart. His fingers found her hair, and Solas vowed to kiss every inch of her face and neck before the sun set that evening. He spoke into her collarbone, trying to remember his point while she laughed at him.

  
She was so _happy_.

  
She was so _happy_. For some unexplainable, mystifying reason, Dala Lavellan was happy with _him_.

  
“I don’t want to ever wake up,” Dala whispered as she kissed his right temple. Her hands were freely roaming his shoulders, grasping at his shirt like he might drop through the floor at any moment. Solas dug his face into her stomach and shook his head softly, forgetting of the hiccup in time so easily that it may have never happened. “Don’t ever wake me up again.”

  
That snagged at the back of his mind. _We’re awake_ , he thought to himself, his eyes roaming up to hers. Something wrenched in his chest when he noticed the tears. She was silently crying as she kissed him, her knuckles white from the exerted strength to keep him close. She was so small, so innocently _frail_.

  
“You _are_ awake,” Solas said, attempting to smile. He couldn’t find it within himself. Something was terribly wrong.

  
“I know, I…” Dala swallowed, quickly wiping a tear on her sleeve before exhaling loudly through her nose. After a second, she forced herself to smile again. It was a poor imitation of her regular bright self. “I’m okay. I really am. I love you.”

  
“I love you,” Solas whispered. His bones didn’t feel right. He began to hold onto Dala a little tighter, fear lodging something hard in his throat. She knew something was wrong and she didn’t want to tell him. “ _Vhenan_ …”

  
Dala shook her head rapidly before kissing him again. This time was more urgent – panicked. But at the same time, she was distracted. Her mind was whirring so quickly he could almost hear it.

  
The walls of the rotunda began to beat at the same time as Solas’ heart.

  
“This is a dream,” he realized far too late.

  
Her eyes were still closed. The quiet betrayal of not noticing the color of her eyelids now seemed like the smallest offense. It _was_ the smallest offense. “Please don’t wake up, don’t take this away from me,” Dala told him earnestly. She began crying again, tears rolling down her plump cheeks. “Not this memory. Please.”

  
“Concentrate on me, _Vhenan_.” Solas furrowed his brow as he clung to her tighter – she felt so real, it couldn’t have been a dream. His fingers knew the fabric of her vest, the slight curve of her neck, the way her lips felt against his. If they just concentrated, if they just _tried_ …

  
“ _Var lath vir suledin_ ,” Dala shuddered.

  
“Don’t say that, please.” The memories were beginning to surface – the rotunda became to collapse brick by brick, the paintings shivering off the walls like they never belonged there in the first place. _This is all a dream_ , Solas thought while the world fell apart around them, clutching her so close that all he could breathe was Dala.

  
Dala burrowed her face into his neck, clinging onto him as hard as she could. He didn’t want her to leave. He didn’t want to wake up alone again. “Let me come with you,” she sobbed into his shoulder.

  
_A path of a lonely death, that’s what you ask for_ , Mythal told him once. There was nothing left at the end of the road but what he had escaped thousands of years ago.  
“You are so young…you are so beautiful,” Solas whispered into her hair. “I love you.”

  
Her shoulders shook as she cried harder. “Solas,” she gasped into his shoulder. “Don’t wake up – please, don’t wake up…”

  
“I have to.”

  
Dala’s eyes were a beautiful blue. She was missing an arm. That was the last thing he saw – overflowing his chest with such pain that he stumbled away, his hands trembling as he tried to lock the Eluvian behind him. That was what Solas did to her. Everything else was a bleak side effect.  “Just a little longer, Solas,” Dala pleaded. Her fingers curled under his necklace, her last effort to goad him into staying with her. Just for a few minutes. Maybe an hour if she could have had what she wanted.

  
“This is a path that only leads to death,” Solas whispered into her hair. He was so calm – the pain inside him was so great that he couldn’t move, he couldn’t let go of her. But he couldn’t cry either. He just clung to Dala like she was the last thing in the world. “Spend the time you have the only way you can.”

 

“Alone,” Dala croaked into his sweater.

  
The desk behind her vanished in the slight wind. Her face was slowly fading, her hair blurring out of his vision. He had no time left with her. A few minutes to spare before she, too, was gone.

  
“I love you,” Solas whispered. “You know that, right? Never forget how much I love you.”

  
Her fingers loosened around the rope of his necklace. He couldn’t fight the Fade. Solas knew he was going to lose her any second, her strength being just a fragment of a fragment of a dream.

  
His hands were holding nothing but air. Dala Lavellan was almost gone.

  
“I’m going to look for you,” Dala promised, raising her head briefly to stare him in the eyes. Her irises were a clear, defiant blue. She was cured, if only for a year or two. It was all Solas could give her. Not even the power of Fen’Harel could fix what he did to her.

  
Solas opened his mouth to respond, to tell her it was impossible, it was out of the question, but suddenly she was kissing him. It was softer, this time – it was never a part of the memory, nor was it a part of their conversation. But when he opened his eyes, Dala Lavellan was gone.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A completely useless chapter with absolutely no emotional distress whatsoever. :)

She was waiting for him the next night in a memory that he didn’t recognize.

 

The valley was filled with bright yellow flowers, tall enough to brush against her knees.  She stood with her hands clasped nervously in front of her, fingers entangling each other while Dala contemplated running at the sight of him.  Yet Solas continued, his heart hammering against his chest, something heavy sinking through his stomach.

 

The sun was shining on her hair, long and silky, from before Josephine cut her hair short after the damage it took in the Chantry explosion.  She had both harms, the staff on her back fashioned from a long stick with Dalish symbols carved throughout the grip.  In her traditional mail she looked like the perfect idea of an elf – although her ideologies never exactly went along with the role, she still looked lovely.  Solas couldn’t even think of a word to compliment her with.  They all felt weak, watered down, incomparable.

 

“You have an unusual amount of determination while in the Fade,” Solas said instead, shifting on the balls of his feet.  He had no idea what else to say to her.  While Dala watched him with her round, observant eyes, Solas realized that anything he could have said would have just sounded like an excuse.  “Many of my agents have reported a persistent elf vying for my attention.”

 

“I’m sure it’s made your attendant very jealous,” Dala replied, casting her eyes down at her foot wraps briefly.  She seemed just as lost as he did.

 

“My attendant?”

 

“She’s young,” Dala laughed.  Nothing was remotely hilarious, nor did her voice indicate it was.  Solas felt a pang in her chest as she continued, her eyes finally meeting his without a comprehensible emotion.  “Young enough that she hasn’t even gotten her Vallasin.  And she is completely, irrevocably in love with you.”

 

Solas almost broke their solemn conversation to roll his eyes.  He refrained, watching her careful expression assess him.  _She thinks I moved on_ , Solas thought as his heart turned over.  “I don’t know which elf you’re talking about,” Solas quipped, “The next time you speak to her, I suggest you mention I’m taken.”

 

“Oh?” Dala raised her eyebrows as her arms crossed.  “So you _do_ have a new lover?  She’s been having nightmares about that for quite a while.  I told her that you were emotionally unavailable.  Seemed quite more reasonable than the truth.”

 

“That I’m in a complicated affair with one of the most influential beings alive?”

 

“No, that you _ended_ that complicated affair and you’re just frequently revisiting it in your dreams.”  Dala paused, her mouth slightly open as she thought.  Whimsical winds tickled Solas’ ears as he watched her.  Even when she was aggravated with him – which happened frequently – she was so strikingly beautiful.  “You _taught_ me how to do this, Solas.  You should have known that you would pull me _into your memories_.”

 

Solas cleared his throat.  His mouth felt dry as he shifted on the balls of his feet again.  “It was a mistake on my behalf,” he attempted to say, though the words felt like they piled up in his chest rather than actually being voiced, “It will not happen again.”

 

Dala furrowed her brow.  _Don’t do that_ , Solas cautioned as she kicked the floor idly.  _The line between your eyes form when you do that.  I used to kiss it when you were upset with me._ It was the only way for her to smile when she was frustrated.  And yet they were so far away from each other, not even in arm’s length.  Solas wanted to be careful this time – his hands were firmly knotted behind his back as he waited for her answer.

 

“Your solution…”  Dala said before stopping herself.  Her eyes flashed as she found the bravery to continue.  “It was a mistake?  You didn’t _mean_ for any of that to happen?”

 

_I don’t want you involved.  I don’t want you to hurt as much as I do_.

 

“I brought you here – I went through so many weird dreams of your agents, Solas – I’ve been trying to figure out…”  Dala groaned in annoyance, running her hands through her waist-length hair as she thought.  She threw her hands up in the air and finally snapped, “Do you know how _hard_ it is to hope _every day_ that I see you?”

 

_I wait for you every day_ , Solas thought in his head.  He couldn’t tell Dala how he looked through the see of his agents for a particular pair of pointed ears.  Or how he would sit back in his chair and idly dream about the impending argument between the two of them: Dala wanting to stay, Solas vowing to keep her safe, the way they would embrace each other afterwards.  Solas waited for her every day, a lump in his throat as he stared at a wall in his office, the fire never hot enough to keep him warm.

 

If Solas told Dala that, she would weasel his location out of him and be there the next morning.  And that would likely disrupt the idea that Solas was supposed to die _alone_.

 

“Please,” Solas whispered.  His eyes fell closed as his heart pounded unevenly.  _You hurt her.  You almost killed her.  She could have been happy if it wasn’t for you.  She could have been_ whole _._ “It was – it was a mistake, Dala.  I won’t bother you any longer.”

 

“I wouldn’t call it _bothersome_ if you didn’t have to leave when it started getting real,” Dala scoffed, tightening her arms over her chest.

 

Her words felt like a slap across the face.  Solas flinched, his heart lashed with a dagger as he stumbled backwards.  _She doesn’t think it was real_.  Every feeling that he had – whether it was anger or devotion or the soft fluttering he felt when she finally came downstairs in the morning – was authentic.  Solas couldn’t live with himself otherwise.

 

“I will leave you alone,” he muttered, narrowing his eyes at her.  Even through the anger that began seeping through his blood, he couldn’t mistake her for anything but breathtaking.  Solas tried to banish the thoughts, but he idly wondered if she had plans to grow her hair out again.

 

He turned on his heel when she began to call out to him.  “Solas!”  Dala cried, her voice raspy as she began to chase him.  _Please don’t tell me to stay.  I cannot that for you.  I want to.  So earnestly._ “Please!  I’m sorry!”

 

She had _nothing_ to apologize for.  Solas gritted his teeth to fight the stinging in his eyes as he began for the hills.

 

Dala Lavellan couldn’t follow him out of the meadow.  Her dream had its limitations – it was a memory from before the Breach, one previously untouched by Solas.  She would simply wake up if she attempted to step outside the boundaries that her own mind created for her.

 

But Solas heard her crying.  It was a sound that he could never get out of his mind.

 

_I will find you, one day,_ Solas promised as he kept walking.  His legs twitched as they begged to turn back around, to embrace her just one more time.  Solas felt his hands ache with ghost pain, his heart lacking a fundamental key to his absolute survival.  And there was nothing he could do but save her.  This was the only way to _save_ her.

 

_You’ll die in the end_ , Mythal warned him as they watched a small elf play with the children of Haven.  Back then, she was merely a means to an end.  A temporary, expendable fix.  Solas could never forgive himself for thinking of Dala that way.  _You know that, my dear?  You won’t come back.  They’ll take everything you have, everyone you love._

 

_They’ve already killed you once_ , Solas repeated flatly.  The elf had wrapped her hands around the fingers of two children, coaxing the rest into a circle that she slowly pulled onto the frozen lake.  The world was falling apart and the girl – the _Herald_ , Solas noted dryly – was teaching winter games to children.

 

_I don’t mean myself,_ Mythal mentioned before her vessel backed away from the cliff’s edge.

 

Solas had no idea what she meant, nor did he care to inquire.  They both had work to do, plans that were in desperate need of being set in motion.  Yet he stood there, alone, watching the elf create intricate patterns on the ice with magic to delight the children.  He couldn’t hear her laugh, but she threw her head back in delight as the dwarf wobbled over to join in on the fun.

 

He didn’t walk the path alone because of his guilt.  It wasn’t to make up for the tragedy he committed.  It was so they couldn’t take away the one person he didn’t regret.

 

On the ice, the elf paused to look up at the mountain, spotting Solas watching from the hill.  Maybe it was instinct, intuition.  Or it could have just been the string that connected their hearts tugging, just gently, for the first time.


End file.
